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Have you ever felt like you didn’t measure up to those around you? Have you listened to those voices that tell us we’re ugly? If you can relate, you’re not alone! In fact, Varina Denman has just started a new blog to address the issue of shame and how we can deal with it. Shanty is a fictitious character from Varina’s not-yet-released novel, Looking Glass Lies, and Shame on Shanty is her blog. (I loved Varina’s first series, including Jaded, Justified, and Jilted, by the way.) I can’t wait to see what she has in store!
Varina offered to share a sneak peek with us today, so here’s Shanty…
The 3 Voices That Tell Us We’re Ugly
& How To Shut Them Up
The loudest voice, with the battery-powered megaphone, is the media, which daily shouts beauty requirements and tells me I must look a certain way in order to find true happiness. And somehow the movies and advertisements and billboards and magazines and memes and apps make it SO VERY BELIEVABLE. Surely, I can’t be happy/fulfilled/content looking like this. Or so they tell me.
And then there are my well-meaning friends and family who comment on my weight, my hairstyle, or the coffee stains on my teeth. Shanty, have you tried that new pore minimizer? I bet it would work wonders for you! But if I confronted them, my friends would insist they’re only concerned about my happiness, which, I have no doubt, is the gospel truth. They do care. They do love me. They do listen to the same media that I listen to.
But the most insistent voice lives in my mind. It’s made up of memories, some of which have been with me for decades, but I have the uncanny ability to dredge them up at will. Without even trying! Maybe you have your own mental echoes: I don’t want her on my team. Just go to the prom with your girlfriends—it’ll be fun! You have pretty good hair for a black girl. And my own voice chimes-in with the memories, sometimes questioning the voices, but all-too-often agreeing with them. I’m inferior. I’m unattractive. I’m actually quite ugly.
Curious about how she suggests we can combat this? If so, you can check out the full post here: https://shameonshanty.com/voices-tell-ugly-hush/ Feel free to let her know I sent you her way!